hardwearing | [ MEADOWLARK ] IC Inbox

I'm fine.

[ it's automatic, the way carolina has mostly trained herself out of answering wash here. she's given it as a generic, dismissive answer to so many things over her life that she knows how it can frustrate people around her— and he deserves better than that.

she pulls her sweatshirt off once she's got the light on in the bathroom, but she's not closing the door to shut him out yet. ]

Sparring just got a little heated.

[ and it's not as though she's never gotten hurt training with maine before. she's overworked herself, been overconfident, not paying enough attention to the way he's picked up something new. that's never shaken her this badly. ]

[ All the thoughts of what he wanted to do with her when she got home fly right out of his head as he learns that Maine did this. He's watching carefully as she pulls clothes off, searching for other injuries. And coming the rest of the way into the bathroom because he wants to get a better look at her bruises. ]

He hit you in the face? That's not sparring.

[ He reaches out to turn her towards him, to get a better look, not even thinking about the bond contact would initiate. ]

[ her injuries, it seems, are minimal. a mild bruise or two she didn't have before, ways she moves that mean she either needs to stretch or might be sore in the morning. she did protect herself, as best she could. it could have been a lot worse.

and carolina really doesn't want to talk about it, so wash follows her and she ignores him, planning to just undress and shower and try to forget about what just happened with maine, until he touches her. wash is familiar, by now, with the undercurrent of anxiety that carolina has motivating her so much of the time. he's helped her after nightmares, too, so he knows what it feels like when she's shaken, when memories were just a little too much, the dreams were just a little too real.

afraid is new, though. if there's been flickers of it before, it's never lasted, carolina's never let it last. she's too stubborn for that. but she's panicked and shaken and scared of maine, and her emotions are all so much that she doesn't realize wash is touching her until she feels better, his concern a soothing thing.

which means that he can feel her and there's a rush of guilt as carolina pulls back from him, stepping to the shower, as far into the little room as she can get. ]

[ The rush of fear coming from Carolina is, indeed, something that unsettles Wash deeply. She pulls away quickly, though, stepping into the shower and farther from him and he follows, hesitating at the curtain. Touching it instead of her, his breathing quick and shallow with residual fear. He tries to keep his voice steady when he calls out to her again. ]

Carolina... Carolina, please talk to me. Please.

[ What the fuck happened?!

If he were someone else, or less afraid and worried, he might make a joke about getting naked and following her in if she doesn't answer, but he's not that person. ]

[ she can hear wash struggling with his tone of voice and feels guilty all over again, because that's her fault, even if she didn't mean to share her fear with him. ]

Maine is just... having a hard time.

[ even carolina knows that that's a weak answer, not the clarification wash deserves, but she needs a minute to sort her own thoughts out so she can share them. she gets the shower turned on before the curtain rustles in response to her movement, to the way she drops her head forward to rest against the front wall of the shower so she can take a deep breath. ]

I know what his power is, now. It's not good.

What does that have to do with... I don't understand.

[ He's still not busting in on her in the shower, but it's a close thing. ]

It makes him...

[ wrong is the first word that comes to mind, but she knows it’s not enough and carolina trails off as she tries to find appropriate words, still leaning against the shower wall. ]

It makes him like Sigma made him. He saw me as a threat.

[ Just hearing Sigma's name makes Wash's blood run cold, and he's quiet for a long stretch, before asking. ]

Can I come in?

[ the answer takes a long time to come, because carolina has to talk herself out of it being “no.” there’s not nearly enough space to avoid touching wash in here, and touching wash means wash has to feel all the sickening feelings she feels, when she just wants to protect him from them. afraid of what maine is capable of isn’t a feeling she’d wish on anyone from freelancer, least of all him.

but he’s trying to help and she’s been trying not to shut him out, so she adjusts the water temperature, makes it a little less scalding as she rinses her face off. ]

Yeah, you can.

[ Okay, that's progress. Wash pulls his shirt over his head, steps out of his sweatpants, then considers for a moment before stepping in with his underwear still on. They've seen each other plenty but he doesn't want her to get the wrong idea after their conversation earlier.

She's huddled against the far wall and Wash takes a deep breath, trying to school his emotions like she told him was possible for this, so he can be a comforting presence instead of just echoing more shit back at her. Finally he reaches out -- he'll check her face more closely in a minute, holding her seems more important. ]

Come here. It's okay.

[ carolina is visibly reluctant to comply, wanting so badly to close herself off until she's sure she has her emotions in check. it's a tactic she's defaulted to since she was a child, stubbornly isolating herself when she probably should have just asked for some measure of comfort. that her emotions here aren't just on her face or in her voice makes her even more desperate to shut them down before they give her away.

she wouldn't let wash do that, though, which means she knows it's fair that he wouldn't permit that reaction, either. carolina knows the places where their stubbornness matches.

so she turns, steps toward him with an arm out so there's minimal contact at first, just her fingers brushing his hand. she hasn't noticed his underwear yet, probably won't until she's feeling better and can tease him for it or just apologize for souring the mood after their earlier conversation. for now, carolina moves in for a hug, leaning against his chest.

her fear has subsided, mostly, but she's still a mess of anxiety and worry and the sort of empty exhaustion that comes when adrenaline has well and truly burnt off. she's still unsteady in a way that usually wouldn't last. ]

It's okay, really.

[ Wash wraps his arms around her, cradling her head and holding on tight. His emotions aren't exactly rock steady, but he's trying -- he's still worried about her, and relieved she's okay if Maine really did attack like she was a threat, but there's also a lot of affection and relief. The traces of fear will echo hers, but he shoves them down, breathing slow and even and trying to project calm. Now that they know, they can deal with it better. Everything will be okay. ]

You want me to wash your back? Then we should get some ice on that bruise.

[ He still hasn't gotten a great look at her face yet, but he will. There's no rush. ]

[ there's a little affirmative noise from carolina, but she makes no motion to move, to clean herself up so they can get out of the shower. wash might not feel relaxed, but he sure feels a hell of a lot more stable than she does and now that they've initiated contact, she doesn't want to give it up just yet. ]

Just... give me a minute.

[ it's quiet, something she knows she doesn't need to ask for when wash can feel how desperately she's trying to cling to his security. ]

Memories snapped him out of it, with the bond. In case you need to step in some time and I'm not around.

[ Wash knows how much Maine must have hated that -- It's private. he'd said, refusing to take his friend's hand. But if it worked... ]

Okay. I'll remember.

[ He'll hold her as long as she wants, his emotions actually getting steadier as the embrace goes on. As he knows she'll be alright. ]

Edited 2020-07-08 23:33 (UTC)

[ wash evens out and so does she, even if carolina loses track of how long it takes. she doesn't feel better, but her anxiety is at a simmer now, and the raw, exhausted feeling that had been so heavy in her chest has eased, if only a little. it'll do.

she eases away from the hug but doesn't break contact, looking up at wash instead. her face is bruised, but it was clearly only a handful of blows, not nearly the full extent of damage maine could have done to her. nothing's broken or needs real medical care, she's just going to be sore for a few days. wash has seen her walk off much worse injuries, so he shouldn't have anything to be concerned about, carolina figures.

not that she lets wash look very long before she moves, stretches up to kiss him tenderly, palpably grateful for his company. ]

[ When she pulls back enough for him to see, Wash studies the injury -- it's nothing, really, considering that it was Maine, but he still wants to get some ice on it so it doesn't swell up too badly. He strokes her cheek cautiously, but then she's leaning up to kiss him and he's not going to protest.

His kiss back is mindful not to brush his nose against the bruise, then he rests their foreheads together. ]

I'm glad it's not worse.

[ But it must have reminded her of the Meta, with how afraid he could feel she was. Wash runs his fingers through her wet hair, smoothing it back from her face. ]

You sure you're okay?

That makes both of us.

[ she's glad she's not hurt worse, too. maine is a lethal enemy to have, a fact that makes her proud to fight beside him and nervous to fight against him. carolina really hates fighting maine, for so many reasons. ]

And I'll... be okay.

[ it feels far more honest than saying she's okay now, when everything still feels raw, when she's not looking forward to being alone in her head again. which means more touching wash, one of her hands reaching up to slide her fingers in the hair at the back of his head, all the more firmly ensuring her arms are still wrapped around him. ]

[ It could have been so much worse... Wash is honestly surprised her nose or eye socket aren't broken, and between that thought and hesitation before saying she'll be okay has a little surge of distress rising again but Wash squashes it down as fast as he can. It's getting easier, he thinks, to control what's at the forefront. ]

You will.

[ He turns his head slightly, kissing her temple. ]

Come on. Let me look at it.

[ that little spike of distress almost has carolina pulling back from wash, wanting to pull back so she doesn't make him feel worse, but he catches himself. she can feel the effort he puts into not letting it overwhelm either one of them and can't help the warm sort of pride she feels for him, under her exhaustion. he really has gotten better with the empathy bond with her.

at his request, the one she knows will get more firm if she tries to fight him, carolina takes a small step back, head up so he can inspect her face for himself as her hands slide down to his hips, needing to maintain contact with him.

but her hands no sooner settle than she's glancing down between them, a rush of fondness and amusement as she confirms that he is, indeed, still wearing his underwear. ]

You know, this isn't exactly reassuring me that I don't have to use up points to get you naked.

[ Wash blushes bright red under his freckles at that comment, though the actual embarrassment is minimal. She'll be able to feel that he thought it was funny, too, before noticing that the corner of his mouth is quirked when she glances back up. ]

I didn't want you to think I just wanted... to get naked with you.

[ He prods her cheekbone and nose gently when she does lift her face again, then reaches for a washcloth to dab away the blood still peeking out of her nostrils. ]

Also we need a better euphemism than 'get naked.' But let me take care of this and you can take them off for me.

[ outside of a little flicker of a smile, carolina keeps still, lets wash take care of her face. there's a little extra red to her cheeks, too, under her bruises, but she's pretty sure she could never blush quite as aggressively as wash does. ]

Deal. But you're going to have to come up with new phrasing.

Deal.

[ Once he lowers the washcloth he's leaning back in for another kiss, this one a bit more playful. ]

Okay. Ditch these and let's actually shower, then get you some ice -- did you guys get to eat or not?

No, we didn't get to it.

[ things got bad before she could suggest it and after, she'd just wanted to come home. it was a good call; she needed wash.

and now carolina needs to kiss him again, fingers curling over the waistband of his underwear as she does, even if she doesn't start to pull them down yet. ]

I've got leftovers, I'll heat them up for you.

[ But then she's kissing him again, and that's distracting. His stomach tenses under her fingertips in a good way, the touch just firm enough not to tickle.

The washcloth gets dropped as he moves to hold her again, a different feeling creeping through the bond. \ ]

[ that this distracts him is a good thing, because a distraction sounds really nice about now and he's her favourite type. they've shared a lot of kisses over the last two months, plenty of practice so that carolina just wants to keep kissing him, letting them feel a little more heated by the time she eases back for a breath.

and to tug his underwear down, finally, bending a little so that she can get them down to his thighs before she lets them drop, her hands finding his waist again after. ]

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