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[hardwearing]

@david.washington | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[leaderboards]

[ one of her hands has migrated up to curve against the side of wash's neck by now, carolina's eyes mostly closed as she takes advantage of the moment to catch her breath. his statement has her shifting, though. not to reach for the tap, but to press herself a little closer to him, get rid of what was left of distance between them. ]

Oh, am I?

[ this probably isn't the time to finally get to this point. carolina's emotions are probably a little too ragged to give him the experience that she wants to.

still, she can't quite find the motivation to stop herself, waiting for wash to call it off. ]

[hardwearing]

[ Someone, send him strength. Wash hums, closing his eyes and just enjoying the contact for a moment, but then he realizes. The uncertainty isn't all his. And that's enough to have his touches gentling to something more comforting than exciting. He takes a steadying breath and kisses her cheek. ]

I think not like this, okay?

[ At least she can feel that it's difficult for him to say that, especially with how they're pressed together. But he's also sure about it. ]

Not as a distraction.

[ That feels familiar, coming from a background of war, but it's not what he wants for them and he doesn't think she does either. Not something desperate and reassuring in the shower just to feel better. Not for their first time. ]

[leaderboards]

[ it's the right call, carolina knows that, but she can't hide her brief sense of disappointment from wash, not through the bond. she doesn't let it last, though, pushing it away as quickly as it starts, sinking into that exhausted but safe feeling she'd had before as she steps back. that's probably a lot more appropriate right now, anyway. ]

You're right.

[ she's trying to tease him with that, with the way she rarely tells him that he's right on a matter of any contention, no matter how mild, with her. but it mostly just sounds tired. ]

[hardwearing]

[ Being right doesn't make him feel any better about making the call, though. Carolina steps back and Wash breathes out, reaching for their bar of soap and sudsing his hands. He'll wash her back, help her dry off, go get her some ice for her face and heat up dinner, and there'll be a better time. Probably never perfect, but better than this one. ]

If it makes you feel any better, I really want that distraction.

[ He gestures for her to turn around with a hand covered in bubbles. ]

But I want to be here for you more.

[leaderboards]

You always are.

[ carolina's hands drop, breaking their contact briefly as she turns, shifting a little so that she can turn her face up against the spray from the shower head and take a deep breath.

she pauses, waits for him to touch her again before she finally decides to say, ] I love you, you know.

[hardwearing]

[ He tries, he tries. And at her admission Wash smiles, stepping in behind her to kiss her shoulder, settling his hands on her hips. ]

I know. I love you too.

[ Then she's getting her back washed, like he promised. ]

[leaderboards]

[ she doesn't say anything else, but it's all too easy for wash to feel her affection for his response, her relief that it wasn't the wrong thing for her to say. it's not that he isn't well aware of how much she loves him, but words can be so difficult for her- it's nice when they're not.

wash had mentioned cold water but carolina doesn't turn the shower down any lower than decidedly lukewarm, which basically is cold in comparison to the scalding showers she usually takes. it's something, at least, as she lets him wash her, trying to relax more under his touch. and it helps, really, so that when he's finished and she's had an opportunity to rinse off, carolina turns the water off before facing him, one hand on his cheek as she leans in for a brief, grateful kiss. ]

Come on, let's get out. I'm sure you want to fuss about me some more.

[ something she appreciates about him, even if carolina does inevitably wind up teasing that it's too much sometimes. ]

[hardwearing]

I do.

[ He looks a little sheepish about that, but pushes the curtain away and grabs her towel for her before his own. ]

I'm going to go heat up dinner for you and make an icepack.

[leaderboards]

[ carolina takes the towel with a little nod and a soft expression as she presses it to her chest, starting with her shoulders. ]

I'll be right there.

[ but first she's taking more time than she needs to dry off once he's out of the bathroom, needing to spend a little time in front of the mirror, cataloguing her new bruises for herself. she can tell already which ones are going to get significantly worse looking before they get better, but it's still really not that bad. not when they're bruises from maine.

when she starts to hear wash in the kitchen, carolina finally leaves, disappears into their bedroom to pull on whatever's closest that counts as pyjamas before she joins him. ]

[hardwearing]

[ Wash dried off and pulled some sweats on, then went to the kitchen to grab the leftovers. He's currently setting her warmed plate down on the table with a fork, and glances up when he hears her coming in. ]

Sit. I'll grab you a drink.

[ There's a bag of ice wrapped in a kitchen towel beside her plate, if she's up for holding it to her face as she eats. ]

[leaderboards]

Thank you.

[ it's soft, quiet as she moves to sit, forces herself to start with a mouthful of food despite the fact that she still feels a little nauseous from the mess of emotions she's been going through.

carolina's fairly sure that she's going to have to ease herself into actually getting through the leftovers wash has for her, so she takes the distraction the ice pack provides, leaning one elbow on the table as she holds it in place against the most tender part of her cheekbone. ]

I... think I figured out my power, too. It's pretty underwhelming.

[hardwearing]

[ Wash sets a glass of juice down in front of her plate and sits as well, on the adjacent side of the table so that he can press his leg to hers. ]

You didn't mention that -- what is it?

[leaderboards]

It's a shield. I accidentally activated it when Maine was...

[ she's torn between 'not himself' and 'trying to kill me' and decides that vaguely trailing off will do just fine. ]

It reminded me of a hardlight shield, but I didn't try to make it happen again, after that. I'm not sure how functional it is.

[hardwearing]

...a hardlight shield is not underwhelming, and it probably saved you from being hurt a lot worse. I'll take it.

[leaderboards]

Maybe. [ it did, she thinks, but it's a difficult moment to think about. ] But really? We get dragged here, have who knows what done to us, and the thing I get is a shield? Not something more useful?

[ the other thing she gets is not having to use her words so much to communicate with wash, thanks to the bond, but she has no complaints about that. ]

[hardwearing]

I'm not ecstatic with mine, either, but they're both useful. We can protect people.

[leaderboards]

[ protect people, sure, but carolina has to pause a moment to swallow down a comment about how hers sure as hell didn't protect maine. about how she doesn't know how to make either of their powers work to help their friend.

her expression changes, furrows a little bit, but she doesn't give wash context for it, just stuffs the thoughts away and looks down at her plate. ]

I guess so.

[hardwearing]

...I'll message him tomorrow, okay? We'll figure something out.

[leaderboards]

We will. I just... I don't know how you train that.

[ and carolina is good at training, at knowing which challenges her team needs to test themselves and prepare for whatever was coming. even with disciplines she didn't excel in, like sniping or knives, she knew what a training regime would look like. that she doesn't know where to start with maine's power is equally frustrating and upsetting. ]

[hardwearing]

He needs to learn the triggers, and find some kind of center so he doesn't get lost in... I guess it depends on what he was feeling when it happened.

[leaderboards]

He misses Alpha.

[ obviously. but she'd felt that empty, raw ache in him and it's stuck with her. ]

I'm not sure what's set him off before, but with me, he was himself until we screwed up and accidentally activated the bond. I don't know if I did it or... I don't know.

[hardwearing]

I know. And he's really uncomfortable with the bond. He refused to use it with me at all even when he couldn't explain something and I was trying to help.

[leaderboards]

And he should trust you. He did. Maybe he just has to get used to it, like you did. I don't know.

[hardwearing]

No... I blame the other Wash for that as much as anything.

[ He sighs, leaning back in his chair. ]

He said that guy was an asshole, like all the time. I have to wonder if it was a version of me from before...

[leaderboards]

[ from before he found his place on blue team, she can guess. ]

It might have been. Outside of knowing that he dies, I have no idea how far along those other versions of us were.