hardwearing | [ MEADOWLARK ] IC Inbox

[ carolina takes the towel with a little nod and a soft expression as she presses it to her chest, starting with her shoulders. ]

I'll be right there.

[ but first she's taking more time than she needs to dry off once he's out of the bathroom, needing to spend a little time in front of the mirror, cataloguing her new bruises for herself. she can tell already which ones are going to get significantly worse looking before they get better, but it's still really not that bad. not when they're bruises from maine.

when she starts to hear wash in the kitchen, carolina finally leaves, disappears into their bedroom to pull on whatever's closest that counts as pyjamas before she joins him. ]

[ Wash dried off and pulled some sweats on, then went to the kitchen to grab the leftovers. He's currently setting her warmed plate down on the table with a fork, and glances up when he hears her coming in. ]

Sit. I'll grab you a drink.

[ There's a bag of ice wrapped in a kitchen towel beside her plate, if she's up for holding it to her face as she eats. ]

Thank you.

[ it's soft, quiet as she moves to sit, forces herself to start with a mouthful of food despite the fact that she still feels a little nauseous from the mess of emotions she's been going through.

carolina's fairly sure that she's going to have to ease herself into actually getting through the leftovers wash has for her, so she takes the distraction the ice pack provides, leaning one elbow on the table as she holds it in place against the most tender part of her cheekbone. ]

I... think I figured out my power, too. It's pretty underwhelming.

[ Wash sets a glass of juice down in front of her plate and sits as well, on the adjacent side of the table so that he can press his leg to hers. ]

You didn't mention that -- what is it?

It's a shield. I accidentally activated it when Maine was...

[ she's torn between 'not himself' and 'trying to kill me' and decides that vaguely trailing off will do just fine. ]

It reminded me of a hardlight shield, but I didn't try to make it happen again, after that. I'm not sure how functional it is.

...a hardlight shield is not underwhelming, and it probably saved you from being hurt a lot worse. I'll take it.

Maybe. [ it did, she thinks, but it's a difficult moment to think about. ] But really? We get dragged here, have who knows what done to us, and the thing I get is a shield? Not something more useful?

[ the other thing she gets is not having to use her words so much to communicate with wash, thanks to the bond, but she has no complaints about that. ]

I'm not ecstatic with mine, either, but they're both useful. We can protect people.

[ protect people, sure, but carolina has to pause a moment to swallow down a comment about how hers sure as hell didn't protect maine. about how she doesn't know how to make either of their powers work to help their friend.

her expression changes, furrows a little bit, but she doesn't give wash context for it, just stuffs the thoughts away and looks down at her plate. ]

I guess so.

...I'll message him tomorrow, okay? We'll figure something out.

We will. I just... I don't know how you train that.

[ and carolina is good at training, at knowing which challenges her team needs to test themselves and prepare for whatever was coming. even with disciplines she didn't excel in, like sniping or knives, she knew what a training regime would look like. that she doesn't know where to start with maine's power is equally frustrating and upsetting. ]

He needs to learn the triggers, and find some kind of center so he doesn't get lost in... I guess it depends on what he was feeling when it happened.

He misses Alpha.

[ obviously. but she'd felt that empty, raw ache in him and it's stuck with her. ]

I'm not sure what's set him off before, but with me, he was himself until we screwed up and accidentally activated the bond. I don't know if I did it or... I don't know.

I know. And he's really uncomfortable with the bond. He refused to use it with me at all even when he couldn't explain something and I was trying to help.

And he should trust you. He did. Maybe he just has to get used to it, like you did. I don't know.

No... I blame the other Wash for that as much as anything.

[ He sighs, leaning back in his chair. ]

He said that guy was an asshole, like all the time. I have to wonder if it was a version of me from before...

[ from before he found his place on blue team, she can guess. ]

It might have been. Outside of knowing that he dies, I have no idea how far along those other versions of us were.

Maine wasn't all that specific but we also don't know who told him what. There were a bunch of people there, it seems like.

Seems like people came and went, too. I wish we knew more, so we could help him.

[ she wishes maine sought out someone in his head after alpha the same way carolina was desperate to find something to soothe her mind when she missed epsilon. the bond might not be the same, but there are enough similarities that carolina's found comfort in it, when her head's felt too empty. ]

Yeah... but we don't, so we have to learn to work around it.

[ Wash sounds determined. He isn't giving up on Maine. ]

[ carolina nods; that determination is familiar to her, after all, when she's so resolved to doing her best to keep maine and wash both safe, resolved to doing better than she did.

which makes her stomach roll with guilt again and she stops pushing her food around her plate in an attempt to coax herself into eating it, closing her eyes instead. ]

Is it wrong that I left him? Should I have insisted he come over, so he wasn't alone?

No. I don't think we should push too hard. Not yet, anyway. It might have set him off again.

[ And he doesn't want to think about that happening, about Carolina being hurt worse for trying to help. ]

You're right.

[ she hopes he's right. ]

I just couldn't... I was overwhelmed and I feel so bad for it now.

He probably was, too. We'll give him some space to process it, then I'll check in.

[ carolina nods, hopes that's enough for wash to understand she's grateful for him saying he's going to do it. not that he doesn't care about maine, she knows he does, but it makes her feel better to know that even if she balks, wash will still try to talk to him. to know they can make the effort together, if she doesn't feel steady enough to do it alone.

she looks down at her plate again, tries to will herself to eat even a tiny bit more of it right now and gives up when her stomach rolls again, just setting her fork down and closing her eyes as she moves his makeshift ice pack over to the middle of her face, setting it over the tender spot between her eyes. ]

I'm... not really hungry anymore. Maybe we should just go to bed.

[ not to sleep. she doesn't see herself sleeping any time soon. ]

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