hardwearing | Hadriel IC Inbox

Fighting, you mean?

[That sounds horrible to her. She settles her cheek against his back, quiet for a moment.]

Maybe you wouldn't have to go back, you know?

[ It's entirely possible, Wash thinks, that there's nothing to go back to. The last thing he remembers is the firefight against the mantises... he could have been killed. It's what he'd assumed upon waking up in Hadriel and seeing Sharkface. Someone he'd killed himself. But Kyna doesn't need to hear that. And... ]

I can't just leave them.

[She gets it, and that was sort of the answer she was expecting. But still.]

You could come back with us. I mean, you don't have to. I bet you don't even want to, but...

[But she wants him to have options.]

[ Could he, though? Even if it were possible, what would he do in their world? He's only ever been a soldier. And honestly, as close as he feels to Kyna? They barely know him. The thought is sort of frightening, and what would the others think back home, if he were to just disappear? If he isn't dead, he can't just leave them.

He squeezes Kyna's wrist before letting go and lifting his hand to finish shaving. ]

I'll keep it in mind.

[Kyna lets go and steps back, combing her fingers through her hair a bit uncomfortably. That was definitely the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to sound... You know...

[ Wash wets a washcloth and wipes the remnants of shaving cream off his face, then glances over his shoulder at Kyna. He hadn't meant to make it sound like a bad idea. ]

...it didn't. I just wasn't expecting it.

Yeah. Um...

[She feels like she's tripped up, and now she doesn't know how to right the conversation anymore.]

I just...

[Ugh.]

I want you to be happy.

[ He knows the right thing to say here. The romance novel line, that'll break this strange tension between them. 'You make me happy.' And she does... he thinks. Truth is, he's all but forgotten what happy feels like. Everything's so complicated now. He turns around properly, reaching out. ]

Come here.

[Kyna peeks up at him and then steps forward, exhaling as she wraps her arms around him. This is complicated, and she wishes she knew what the hell they were doing. This doesn't feel like some friends with benefits set up anymore, or maybe that's just wishful thinking, because that's not what she wants it to be. She doesn't know how to bring it up. She doesn't know if she should, but she should say something.]

You make everything feel... easier, you know?

[ Yeah, he does know. His arms wind around her easily and he looks down at the top of her head. Trying to untangle the mess of what he's feeling right now. ]

...I don't know what I'd do here without you.

[She's struck silent for a moment, heart skipping a beat. How does she even respond to that? No one's ever said anything like that to her before.]

Me either. You make this place seem kind of worth it.

[ What? But she actually has friends here... her team. She'd be fine. Was fine, before he showed up. Right...? And the second part stuns him. Mostly because he's thought the exact same thing, however uncomfortable thinking it made him. He's never gotten so close to anyone so fast before, and at this point there's no denying how attached he's gotten. It's frightening, not in the least because it's so easy to lose people. And she did just die. His grip tightens a little as he fights back a wave of pointless guilt. ]

That's... I know what you mean.

[It's such a relief to hear him say it that she squeezes tight. She should just tell him. What if something happens again, and she never gets the chance to?]

Wash, I...

[Okay. Okay, she can do this. Kyna takes a deep breath and pulls back, arms still looped around him.]

I know we're... I know we've been doing this friends with benefits thing or... Or whatever it is, but...

[ He didn't expect that to make her pull away, but she doesn't go far. Just enough for him to see her face again. Which is fine, until she starts speaking again so hesitantly. She can probably see the wariness in Wash's eyes when she trails off. ]

...but?

I...

[Kyna takes a deep breath, and nearly considers backing off at that expression on his face, but she looks down instead. She just has to power through this. It's not really fair on him to hide it, right?]

I have feelings for you.

[ His feeling of dread lifts when she spits it out, but is quickly replaced by bewilderment. Feelings? What does that... mean... exactly? The way she says it. She wouldn't be bringing it up if wasn't important somehow, but he doesn't know how to react. Maybe he's wrong, though, and thinking it's something bigger than it is? ]

What?

[Her worst case scenario, the one she prepared for, was a rejection. This is... not that. At least, she doesn't think so. It still leaves her floundering, blinking up at him.]

...What do you mean, what?

[ Okay, that doesn't help. Wash is floundering now as well, his words coming out awkward and uncertain. ]

I just. That's not bad, is it?

Uh.

[She stares up at him for a flabbergasted second, then steps back.]

No? I don't know. Is it?

[ And with that the dread is back. He's fucking up, saying all the wrong things. It feels familiar, at least. Confessions of he's-not-sure-what? Not so much. ]

I... hold on. Just. What kind of feelings?

[Oh, God. How does she make this any more clear than she already did? Anything she says is going to sound stupid. She wraps her arms around her middle, trying to push down the panic.]

Like... Um. Like romantic feelings? A... crush?

[Yep. Stupid. She's definitely blushing now.]

Oh.

[ Okay. That's not as extreme as he thought, and is a little easier to wrap his mind around. Even if this isn't a situation he's ever been in before. He's not a complete idiot, he knows that the right thing to do is say it back, but the words won't form yet. He's too busy trying to figure out how this happened, and where it would put them now. ]

I don't understand. Why did you say but?

I don't know. I just figured... I thought you should know. I don't just want to sleep with you, it's... Um. More than that now.

Kyna, I've never...

[ Okay, Wash, pull it together. Say the right thing. The important thing. ]

It's not just you, I. Feel something, too. We're not just friends anymore. I just don't know what to do with that.

Oh.

[So what does that mean? She expected to feel relieved, but that's not exactly a simple answer.]

Do you, um. Do you want to do something?

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