Hadriel IC Inbox

[hardwearing]

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[evocation]

I don't know. I just figured... I thought you should know. I don't just want to sleep with you, it's... Um. More than that now.

[hardwearing]

Kyna, I've never...

[ Okay, Wash, pull it together. Say the right thing. The important thing. ]

It's not just you, I. Feel something, too. We're not just friends anymore. I just don't know what to do with that.

[evocation]

Oh.

[So what does that mean? She expected to feel relieved, but that's not exactly a simple answer.]

Do you, um. Do you want to do something?

[hardwearing]

[ That's a good question. Wash scrubs a hand over his face, stressed. He's not equipped for this. He's never done this, doesn't know how to mean something to someone. ]

What do you want?

[evocation]

[The hand over his face isn't a good sign, is it? He seems frustrated more than anything else, and she doesn't get it. If he feels the same way she does, shouldn't he be happy? Kyna steps back again, takes in a deep, shaky breath. She's panicking, and she's trying very, very hard to fight the urge to just end the conversation and leave, but it's clear that's what she's on the verge of doing.]

We don't have to do anything.

[hardwearing]

Yes, we do.

[ Because she's even further away now, and that's the opposite of what he wants. He can't lose her, and while he knows you shouldn't start something out of fear, that's not all there is here. They work together, he believes that much. So maybe... something more could work, too. If she can handle him fumbling his way through. Screwing up just like he is now. His instinct is to reach for her, and he doesn't know if he should curb that or not. Probably. ]

Is it just putting a name to it? Or... I need to know what would change, what you'd expect. I've never done this before.

[evocation]

[Putting a name to it would be nice. Maybe that's silly, but something solid, something official... She thinks that's all she wants, but she's still not sure if he's on board with any of this.]

You said you feel the same way, but you just seem... upset.

[hardwearing]

[ Upset? He's... afraid, for sure, even though this kind of thing is supposed to be good. Afraid of screwing it up, of losing her one way or another. That he's too damaged for this and will hurt her somehow.

Except he already is. He takes a steadying breath. ]

I'm not upset. I'm... a lot of things, but not upset.

[evocation]

[Deep breaths. That's a good idea. She's trying to calm down, but she's all wound up and jittery.]

Putting a name to it would be... nice. I'm not expecting anything crazy. I just like being with you.

[hardwearing]

[ She still looks like she's going to bolt, and he can't curb it anymore. He steps forward so he can reach her again, fingers brushing her arm gently. ]

I think we're on the same page, we just didn't know it. Can you be patient with me?

[evocation]

[It's the right move, because after a second she relaxes, then reaches for his hand.]

Yeah. Yeah, of course. Patient how?

[hardwearing]

[ Some of the tension in his shoulders eases at that, and he tangles their fingers. Doesn't pull her in just yet. ]

I'm already screwing up. It's probably going to keep happening.

[evocation]

I'm not good at this either. We can figure it out together, right?

[hardwearing]

You'd be my first girlfriend.

[ If that's what she wants to call it, that is. He's still uncertain but an almost shy smile is tugging at his mouth now. ]

[evocation]

[She laughs softly, then steps forward to lean against him, one arm looping around him.]

God, you have the worst luck ever.

[hardwearing]

[ His free hand comes up, pushing her damp hair out of her face. ]

And you have awful taste.

[evocation]

[She's starting to feel a little giddy now, relief and happiness all mingled together.]

No I don't. I have awesome taste. You're amazing.

[hardwearing]

Did you miss the entire failure of a conversation we just had?

[ He says it lightly enough, but the self depreciation is real. He doesn't have a great opinion of himself, despite how hard he tries. ]

[evocation]

I don't care. I totally expected you to turn me down.

[hardwearing]

...why?

I mean, if I had it wouldn't have been because of you.

[ He still feels like she deserves better than him, doesn't get what it is she sees, but he's stopped trying to push her away. She's too stubborn for it, and he's selfish enough to want her to stick around. He's gotten attached. Maybe too attached to be safe, but. Well. He is secretly a huge sap. ]

[evocation]

What do you mean, it wouldn't have been because of me?

[hardwearing]

I'm a mess, Kyna. I wasn't upset, I was scared. I'm still scared, it's just not worth losing you.

[evocation]

Oh.

[She wiggles away a little, hand still in his, frowning. Maybe she's just hearing that wrong, but...]

I don't want you to date me because you're scared I'm gonna... ditch you or something.

[hardwearing]

It's the opposite. I'm scared of being more, of admitting I feel this much in the first place. Maybe because it means there's so much to lose. And I'm going to make mistakes.

[evocation]

[Oh, Wash. Kyna runs her thumb over his knuckles softly.]

I'm scared, too. I always screw things like this up, but... I don't know. I've never been able to open up as quickly with anyone else. You make me feel...

[She hesitates, struggling to find the word.]

Steadier? I trust you.