Hadriel IC Inbox

[hardwearing]

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[evocation]

Oh.

[That's a good point, actually.]

Yeah, I guess so, but I don't want you to... I don't know. Feel like you're stuck babysitting me or something.

[hardwearing]

I don't, though.

[ He shifts his weight and turns to face her more fully, lifting a hand to push her hair back. ]

Do you want to leave?

[evocation]

[Her heart is doing that obnoxious fluttering thing again, which seems to be getting more and more common, and once again, she ignores it.]

No. I mean, I don't know. Do you want me to stay?

[hardwearing]

[ Is that enough reason? Just that he wants her around? She can handle herself on her own, doesn't need him to protect her, and he's self aware to realize that he does want her to stay just because he likes her. And that he's lonely. Is that selfish to admit, if she does want to go? He's never done this.

It shouldn't be so complicated, shouldn't all need a logical justification to be okay. Maybe it's okay just to feel a thing.

Slowly, he nods. ]

I know you're not sleeping well though. I keep waking you.

[evocation]

[She could stay a little while longer, right? It doesn't matter. This Null thing is a mess, anyway. It's a good excuse, but realistically she knows she just wants to be around him. Maybe that's stupid, considering they've only know each other a month.]

It doesn't bug me. It sucks way more for you.

[hardwearing]

[ He's used to it, though. And Kyna being around... helps. He finds that he's already reaching for her when he wakes up, and doesn't want that to end. Selfish, again. And it's not like they'd never see each other. But. ]

...then stay?

[evocation]

[Whatever. Screw it. She reaches for his hand.]

Okay.

[It's fine. She's making this more of a thing than it needs to be.]

Hey, um... How bad do your nightmares get?

[hardwearing]

[ His fingers curl around hers warmly, gripping. Just that one word and his chest loosens with relief -- she'll stay. He smiles a little, despite her next question. ]

Pretty bad, I guess. Why?

[evocation]

Do you know Lance? The guy at the clinic. I've been teaching him magic or whatever.

[She's rambling a little already.]

He's a psychologist. And I didn't tell him anything about you, I promise, I was just... You know. Asking if there's anything that could help.

[hardwearing]

[ Wash shakes his head -- both because he doesn't know Lance and because he doesn't trust psychologists. Not after the counselor. He can't. ]

I'm fine.

[evocation]

[Okay, that's not a good reaction. Kyna squeezes his hand gently.]

You don't have to talk to him or anything. I'm not gonna... It would be shitty if I told you to do that. He was just saying you could write your thoughts down or something, or... Talk to someone about them. You know, before you go to sleep.

[hardwearing]

[ Yeah, he's shutting down, although he doesn't let go of her hand. ]

How's that supposed to help? I can't control what I dream.

[evocation]

I don't know. Like... Clearing your head?

[He's closing off on her, and Kyna bites her lip, giving his hand a gentle little tug.]

Sorry. You don't have to. You just seem so wiped out half the time.

[And she's worried.]

[hardwearing]

Kyna... I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. Really. I don't see how stirring shit up inside my head before sleeping is going to help anything. It's not even like most of my nightmares are about what's happening now, it's just. Memories.

[evocation]

[She doesn't buy it. Waking up from nightmares every night, whether he's actually screaming or not, isn't fine, but she's not sure it's her place to tell him he's not, either. Kyna frowns up at him for a second.]

Okay. But if you do want to talk about... You know. I'm here.

[hardwearing]

[ In his mind there's nothing to talk about, it's shit that's already over and done with. He just has to live with it now, with what was done to him and what he's done as a result. But he can tell Kyna is actually worried... worried enough to talk to a shrink on his behalf, so he bites back his dismissal. ]

I know.

Do you trust him? This psychologist.

[evocation]

I mean... We're not friends or anything. I just started teaching him, but I like him. And he's been trying to help everyone out with this hit list shit.

[hardwearing]

Maybe he means well. I'm just used to... someone who didn't.

[evocation]

[Shit. Now she feels bad about bringing it up, like she's digging up bad memories. Kyna entwines her fingers with his, squeezing.]

I'm sorry. I didn't even think-- I didn't tell him anything, I promise. I just asked about stopping nightmares.

[hardwearing]

[ Wash nods, squeezing her hand back. She just wanted to help. Maybe... he can try. ]

...I already keep a log. I guess it can't hurt to expand on that. Just. Don't hope for much.

[evocation]

[Okay, he's not mad at her. She didn't actually screw up or anything, she doesn't think. Kyna relaxes a little.]

You do? What kind of log?

[hardwearing]

It's just situation reports, keeping track of what's going on. Nothing too personal.

[evocation]

Oh.

[LAME.]

Do you do it every day or something?

[hardwearing]

[ Gee, Kyna, sorry he's not gushing about you in a diary somewhere. Sitreps are important!!! ]

I try to. Some days it's hard to come up with things to say.

[evocation]

Yeah, this place blows, doesn't it?