Hadriel IC Inbox

[hardwearing]

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[hardwearing]

Then Tucker's never gone hungry. It's good enough.

[evocation]

[That's not true, but Kyna isn't going to correct him.]

It's fine. I wish I could have you eat some of the food from home, though.

[hardwearing]

There's a lot you miss?

[evocation]

Well, yeah. There's this awesome Indian place we go to all the time. Sometimes we watch the shittiest movie we can find and just stuff our faces or whatever. And sushi. God, I miss sushi.

[hardwearing]

That's raw fish, right?

[ Doesn't sound terribly appealing to him, but he knows it's a thing that exists. ]

[evocation]

Not all of it. Some of it's cooked. But God, I'll kill someone for a burger.

[hardwearing]

Now there's something I've actually eaten before.

[evocation]

Yeah? Hey, can I ask you something?

[hardwearing]

Real beef, even, every now and then. Not much like it.

Sure.

[evocation]

[She grins, sliding her hand up to squeeze his bicep.]

How did you end up looking like this if your food sucks?

[hardwearing]

[ He grins, flexing a little under her hand. ]

Rations might taste like shit but they're nutritious enough. It's only the past couple months on Chorus that we've been running low on food.

[evocation]

[Exactly the level of showing off she's into. She laughs a little.]

What do rations taste like anyway? Are they like those weird little meal box things or do you have cool space rations now?

[hardwearing]

It depends, if you're deployed or on a ship or what. MREs are the better option for deployment, half the time you'd just wind up with survival pills and protein bars.

[evocation]

God, that blows. Do you like it? You know... What you do?

[hardwearing]

Like it..?

[ He doesn't really think about it that way. Being a soldier's not a choice for him, at least not anymore. He doesn't get the luxury of liking it. ]

No. It's just what I am.

[evocation]

[She realizes too late that it wasn't a great thing to ask, and by the time he answers, she's frowning.]

Sorry. That was shitty.

[She lets her hand drop. His response trips her up, too, and for a second she's quiet, gaze dropping down to their linked hands.]

Um... You know that's not all you are, right?

[hardwearing]

[ He doesn't, actually. It's how he defines himself, it's how he lives. ]

What do you mean?

[evocation]

[Oh, no. She's not sure how to explain this.]

I mean... I don't know. I don't feel like I'm just hanging out with a soldier or something when I'm with you.

[She wrinkles her nose. She doesn't think that came out right.]

I'm not making sense, am I?

[hardwearing]

Not really. What were you expecting me to be like? A drill sergeant?

[evocation]

No. God, that's not what I meant.

[Kyna lets out a quiet, frustrated noise. She's tempted to just pull away and tell him to forget about it, because she doesn't know how to word what she's thinking, but this feels important, somehow. She thinks dropping it would be worse than fumbling.]

It's just that you're... Yeah, okay, you're a soldier, but...

[She lets out another frustrated breath, eyes still locked on their hands. Just spit it out already.]

That's not what you are to me, I guess.

[hardwearing]

I mean... we're friends, so.

[ And aside from running his drills he isn't terribly soldierly here? He can tell Kyna is struggling, though, so he tries to articulate it for her. ]

I don't really have to be, around you.

[evocation]

Yeah, I know, but...

[It's sort of what she's trying to say, but not quite. She shifts her weight, fingers going to her necklace.]

I mean, do you like that better? That you don't have to be?

[hardwearing]

It's different.

[ He isn't sure if it's better or not, just... something else entirely, that he's still trying to adjust to. ]

I'm used to... protocol. Keeping a certain amount of distance, because even though my teammates are my friends I'm still responsible for them.

[evocation]

I'm trying to explain what I mean but... I told you I suck at this.

[She finally looks up at him.]

What kind of distance do you mean?

[hardwearing]

[ Well now they're both at a loss. ]

I don't know. It's just different. I guess I... don't let myself show weakness, if I can help it?