hardwearing | [ MEADOWLARK ] IC Inbox

[ revenge is one of those tricky topics they don't bring up often. they both know what it feels like, both own up to mistakes they made when they were blinded by it, but it's still a heavy thing to have in common. right now, it's not a helpful thing to get into, so carolina files that first statement from wash away for later and tries to focus on the conversation at hand instead. ]

Yeah. I... wish Maine was here. [ it's not the first time she's expressed that. it is the first time she's sounded guilty about it. ] If you'll be okay with it and Alpha's comfortable living with us, the room's open for them.

Okay. I'll tell him, and we'll go from there.

[ He seems to pause a moment, but he's messaging Maine back. It's been a hot minute since he asked the other man to hod on. Then, as he turns his attention back to Carolina, something else occurs to him. Not for the first time, but as a more definite potential awkward spot. ]

What are we going to... how do we want to explain that we've only been using one bed anyway? [ Are they dating, too? No, right? But they're certainly making out plenty. Wash worries a little what to call them, and if a label is even necessary. ] I guess we could just say that?

[ the second there's a pause in the conversation, carolina starts moving again; at least it's not aimlessly pacing now, but moving to the fridge to get herself a drink, even though she seems to forget that when wash talks to her again. and this is something else they don't talk about, for a completely different reason. ]

I don't think that just telling them we both suffer from nightmares is unreasonable, given what we've been through. That's, um...

[ there's a few false starts of sound there, carolina making an almost flailing sort of hand gesture as if to make up for her ineloquence. oh god, she doesn't want to talk about this. ]

That's the bulk of it, right?

[ Wash seems to wilt a little, not at the proposition but the fumbling afterwards like whatever it is they're doing (mostly making out when the mood strikes) is something she's want to hide from Maine. A month and change ago, she would've been right but now? ]

...is that still the bulk of it?

[ He doesn't want this to just be convenience, he finds. ]

[ it would have been a lot easier if wash had just agreed, if they'd continued not talking about the bed sharing and the kissing and everything else. every time thoughts of this conversation have crept up before, carolina's been able to ignore them, push them aside in favour of just appreciating this friendship-and-more she has with wash. ideally, they never would have talked about it, but he deserves a lot better than her deflecting. no matter how much she wants to right now.

carolina folds her arms across her chest again, but not in irritation, just needing something to feel a little more secure as she forces herself to look at wash and be honest. ]

No. It's a lot more complicated than that and I don't know how to describe it, but you know how I feel about you, don't you?

[ he can feel it, thanks to whatever the hell they had done to them when they got here. she doesn't have to use her words, usually. ]

Of course I know, I can feel it whenever we-- I know. I guess we don't owe them any explanation.

[ It's not actually that important to him to put a label on it, and he doesn't want to screw it up with the expectations that come with being a thing. ]

I'm just pretty sure Church will ask. And probably be a dick about it if we fumble, so that you're ready for that.

[ church is likely to be a dick about it whether they fumble or not, carolina thinks, but that's not helpful right now. they've already agreed that they want maine in their space and that alpha's just going to be part of that now. she doesn't want to complain about him before she's even met him, especially not right now.

so she just nods, glancing away from wash while she tries to find the words for what she wants to express, expression furrowed. dating is an alarmingly foreign concept at this point in her life, but what she has now with wash is significantly past him just being her best friend. ]

We don't really owe anybody an explanation, no.

[ except maybe each other. carolina takes a breath, lifts her head to watch his face. ]

Would this be easier if we had a word for it?

Easier for who? Other people or us? I think it'd be easier for everyone else but I don't feel like you and I need a label. I mean, we're playing it by ear, right?

[ Which is also kind of nerve wracking in its own way, for someone like Wash, but he tries to lighten the mood a little. ]

We could make up a word that means exactly what we want it to but then there'd just be more to explain.

[ He can tell how tense she is, too, and gestures to her to come closer. ]

[ the thought of just making up a word has carolina letting out an amused little huff, so much of her tension releasing all at once with the exhale. it figures, wash only has to say one dumb sounding thing and she instantly feels better. she's still worried about what interacting with alpha is going to be like, still a little worried about how four particularly stubborn people in a little apartment is going to go, but she's not worried about him, at least. ]

I really don't think a made-up word is the answer here.

[ as she talks, her arms drop down to her sides and carolina moves closer, obeying that little beckoning gesture. she stops just shy of touching wash, but well within touching distance. he can initiate the contact and the bond that will inevitably come with it first, if he wants. ]

Then let's not bother right now.

[ He closes the distance with a step in, gently wrapping one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist. There's technically no skin contact yet because of their shirts, but he does give her an impromptu little massage, trying to get some of the tension she's carrying tight in her back to release. ]

Do you want to lie down so I can do this properly, or go for a run or something first?

I'd rather go for a run.

[ but she has no desire to pull away from wash just yet, clearly, because instead of pulling away, she just leans into him, letting her forehead rest against his shoulder. the massage is a nice gesture, but the embrace relieves more tension than carolina's really comfortable admitting.

with her face effectively hidden from his gaze, what she decides to say next comes out a little easier. ]

But... I'm okay to call this dating if you are.

I'd go with you.

[ But since she isn't pulling away he's going to keep this up, letting her rest her head and relax her weight against him.

When she speaks again, his hands go still for a moment... then slowly one settles over the back of her neck protectively, the bond engaged. He's nervous, again, a little uncertain because this is sort of new territory for him, but mostly there's a quiet warm happiness spreading between them. ]

Shit. I guess we have to go on a real date.

[ It's another attempt at diffusing the tension, Wash doesn't actually care about acting normal. About being normal, they won't be, probably not even in this. But they do most things together anyway. And yes, he's okay with it. He turns his head slightly and presses a kiss to her too-short hair. ]

[ carolina steels herself to feel overwhelmed by the touch, but... she's not. her nerves seem a little more vivid than wash's do, her anxiety wound a little tighter, but that happiness of his is easy to echo. she's happy about this very new, uncertain thing, too. ]

That sounds... [ she contemplates nice and then dismisses it, opts to match wash's light tone instead, her arms looping around his waist. ] - like a lot of work. Why don't we just call something we were already going to do a date?

[ Even though Carolina doesn't say a date would be nice out loud, Wash can feel her response. Which is still bizarre to him, that he could handle this sort of bond with anyone and actually enjoy it instead of just being terrified and uncomfortable someone's in his head. But Carolina's emotions never threaten to take over, never get confused with his own... maybe it'll happen eventually, it just hasn't yet. So he holds on, smiling softly into her hair. ]

You're right, that's easier. We need groceries anyway.

[ He's kidding -- he'll take her out somewhere modest, they can afford that, but keeping up the joke feels... fun. ]

[ she can feel the warmth in his emotions just as clearly as she can hear it in his voice and that's... something. wash's own relationship with the bond, with anyone being privy to his thoughts or feelings might be complicated, but for someone who doesn't like struggling with words in cases like this, carolina finds it helpful. a word for whatever they're doing might come in handy, but this feeling sums them up much better, as far as she's concerned.

and the bond makes wash even better at calming her down than he was before. she's pretty sure they can both be grateful for that. ]

We do. Grocery shopping's romantic, right?

[ It only feels safe with her, which Wash thinks should have been some kind of a sign. He's had to engage it with others but never let his guard down, never stopped wanting to break it because what if. But Carolina is okay. He trusts her. And her romance comment gets an actual chuckle out of him, a rare sound these days. ]

Totally romantic. I'd go so far as to say it's extremely romantic, because it sets up lots of other dates. Dinner can just always be a date.

[ that chuckle is nice to hear, results in a quiet surge of affection for wash as he talks again. extremely romantic gets her shaking her head a little, but carolina doesn't really pull away as she repositions, keeping one arm around his waist while she raises the other one, skimming up his chest before her fingers brush the side of his neck. it's just telegraphing her intended motion, warning him before her hand mirrors his and curves around the back of his neck.

it's a complicated spot for both of them, which makes this gesture a protective one, probably more important than carolina thinks she could ever put into words. ]

I don't know that I'd agree with extremely romantic, but maybe I'm just rusty.

[ The telegraph is appreciated, and Wash hums a soft approval as her hand settles on the back of his neck, warm and protective. He can feel that's what it is for her, same as him.

His voice is still amused, but there's a flicker of insecurity in his emotions when he speaks again. ]

Rusty, huh? Better than being the rookie again at thirty.

[ There have been people but not... "dating" people. Not in a civilian sense. ]

I don't know, I think you'll always be the rookie.

[ even when he's her equal, the best backup she could ask for, apparently now the person she's dating. she's probably never going to stop teasing him, at this rate, even if it's filled with affection. ]

Maybe always at something. Means I'm always learning, right?

[ carolina lets out a little huff of amusement, relaxing a little more against him. ]

I guess that's one way of looking at it.

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