So that's what "get people killed" was about. Tucker must've made a choice to get the intel at the expense of his men. Wash just nods... nothing he could say would make the consequences of that decision any easier to bear. And on his end, there's a certain amount of guilt. This rescue, as it was, cost lives. So they'll both have to bear it. But the comment about trusting someone he shouldn't have makes Wash lift a hand to stop Tucker from continuing.
"You're not the only one Felix had fooled, Tucker. We all gave him more information than we should have. And obviously he's been playing the New Republic side for years. This is what he does." Part of Wash feels like he should have seen through it, being the paranoid one. He never trusts anyone, but he also didn't see this coming, exactly. Didn't know the plot ran far deeper than he could have suspected.
"We need to figure out how to tell the generals what's really going on. That's how we fix this."
Tucker almost opened his mouth to argue, to say I was kinda around him a lot longer than you were so I don't have an excuse but then Wash pulled out the New Republic card and his mouth snapped shut. Well, he had a point, didn't he? Kimball and Felix had been working with each other a long longer than Tucker had, and if she couldn't see through it--
He shook his head.
"I just...wish I hadn't been so blind. I feel like an idiot." And that was the crux, wasn't it? How bad betrayal could make one feel, how it was obvious and yet he had been so ignorant all the same. Ugh. It was so dumb, especially when he was the perceptive one. "I was so desperate to get you back--"
He trailed off because that sounded too close to admissions he didn't want to make, ones he was still trying to figure out because what the fuck was he supposed to say, huh?
Wash hesitates, but then does lift his hand and place it on Tucker's shoulder. Metal-on-metal isn't much of a comfort, he can't exactly give a reassuring squeeze through their armor, but at least the other soldier can feel the weight of it. His presence. He doesn't know how to take the desperation comment -- maybe Tucker was just that scared of losing anyone else? Don't read too much into it, Wash tells himself, even as he lingers.
"You're not an idiot. He's an excellent actor with a convincing narrative that they've spent years reinforcing. Not even just that, they've actually been living it. 'Proving' it. We judge people by their actions, and for all appearances his were good. It was the situation they were twisting and you had no reason to suspect that. It looked like he'd been a great ally, so you believed he'd help you too -- that's not blind, just hopeful. Hope's something we have to hold on to."
He hasn't been very successful at that, over the years, but he thinks it might be coming back to him. Although he'll always be a paranoid realist, he has faith in this ragtag group of idiots. He believes in them. And knows that sometimes, for people less damaged than him, those feelings are easy to misplace. It doesn't mean Tucker's a bad judge of character. It means he's not broken yet, and Wash... is actually really glad for that.
Tucker wanted to tell him that he didn't need a pep talk, that it sounded like something a Disney princess would say, but wasn't that the whole point of why he was here? Because he needed these words of encouragement, because he needed to know that Wash still believed in him the same way he had before he Freckles, Shaked all over the place?
He didn't shrug off the hand. Fuck, he wanted more of it. More of whatever the hell this was.
"I'm just pissed at myself." And that wasn't untrue; if anything, it was an understatement. "I just...should have been better at, like, everything. Felix and you and shit. I should've been the me that you saw in, um, me, if that makes sense." Seeing through it. Getting him back. Not losing people. All of it.
"War fucking sucks."
Oh, yeah, his plan. His plan that he didn't know if it would work, but damn if he wasn't going to try to throw it out there. "Being around Felix, the one thing I learned about him is that A) he loves to talk, and B) he's an egotistical asshole." Two things, but who was counting? "What if we get him talking, start a fight with him or something, make him spill his guts in the classic evil monologue way, and then get Church to record it and spread it across space. It's classic villain shit! He'd totally fall for it. I can fight him and make him think he's won or something."
That's a strange way to put it, and Wash isn't certain of Tucker's meaning. He shouldn't ask, but he has to. For his own peace of mind.
"What do you mean better at me? Tucker, you -- this entire conversation just proves you are everything I saw in you. A misstep here or there doesn't change that. You learn from it and you only get better." His mouth quirks a little, and Tucker can't see it behind his visor but can probably hear it. "War does fucking suck. Hang in there."
Although he means that, and Wash might wish that his entire life wasn't war because it does suck, he also isn't sure what he'd be without it. He's a soldier. Has never been anything else, doesn't know how to be. For now he moves past that, hoping there's something better for at least his friends down the line. And Tucker's idea is actually decent.
"You know him best, if you think you can bait him into spilling that could work. But..." It's not that he doesn't trust Tucker to get the information. It's that he wouldn't just be talking. Wash shifts uncomfortably, finally reeling his hand back in because to be touching Tucker as he says this feels like too much. "I don't want you to fight Felix."
Wash? Wash was the first person to ever believe in Tucker (aside from his mother, but let's not go there). For years, everyone just brushed him off as laughable, as lazy, as the local pervert, and to be fair, he was every single one of those things. He doubled down when Wash came at him after they landed, fought him every single step of the way. He did all that he could to keep up his status quo.
Wash didn't have it. He didn't listen, fought him, pushed him, fucking trusted him enough all the time, all through it, risked his life so Tucker could live. He saw all the things that Tucker turned away from. He was more of a leader than Church had ever been.
Tucker flushed as the realization sunk in, as the words hit home, as he knew that bastard was smiling under the helmet.
Holy shit. The way his heart skipp--
Wait, whoa, never mind. "What do you mean, you don't want me fighting Felix?" And there went that trust, right out the window. "You don't think I can handle him? Because let me tell you, that little fucker can't take me. Have you seen my sword?"
"That's not what I mean, don't get offended. You're great but he just nearly took out Carolina. I'm not sure I'd be a match for him myself, I don't like the odds of getting him alone, and thinking a better weapon will give you an edge is always a mistake."
It's just... this plan scares him, he acknowledges distantly. After all they've gone through he doesn't want Tucker to be the one to take that risk. But maybe he's the only one who could. The only one who could pull off the ruse and keep him busy physically at once. And maybe he needs this, after being fooled by Felix? Wash just doesn't like it. Doesn't know how he'd live with himself if he goes along with this and Tucker gets hurt. He sighs.
"I'll back your play, I just don't want you to risk it. We can't--" No, that's true but not really the issue. "I can't lose you. At least take my healing unit."
He couldn't. Wash. Wash couldn't. Tucker breathed softly in his helmet - was it hot in here or just him? - and he wished that hand was back on his shoulder. He wished he could see Wash's stupid face, which he hadn't since he had gotten back. He wished he knew what he meant by that.
The paranoid Freelancer was trusting him again, giving him his healing unit, although Tucker wasn't sure he wanted it. "Dude, you should have it. If you guys get cornered by Locus, that's the one I'd be more worried about." That guy was cold as hell, but surely Wash knew that already by how much time he spent over there. He had to, right?
Oh, shit, what if they had se-- No way.
"I won't be alone, though; I'll have Epsilon with me." There was a beat of silence. "And you'll be watching my six. I know you will." Even if he wasn't right there, he would be. He always was.
"If we're cornered by Locus we'll be together. And if he gets me alone... honestly, I doubt it'd help. He goes for the kill shot every time, so either I win or I'm dead. But Felix likes to play, you'd make better use of it. Like you said, you'll have Epsilon, he can run it."
It's just practical, logical, until Tucker says... that. And throws Wash off again. Of course he'll be watching. Of course he'll try to protect Tucker, but what if he can't? Tucker trusts him to but he doesn't trust himself. He's failed too many people already.
Felix was like a cat; he knew that. They all knew that by this point, so he finally sighed and nodded. "You win, Wash. I'll take it. Just promise me and you won't be alone."
But depending on who was with him, that could even be worse. Carolina? Good. Caboose? Bad. He made a face, but finally reached up to take off his helmet. If Wash complained about it, he'd just tune it out; he was really good at that.
He wondered if Wash would follow suit.
"But if something happens to you and you need it, I'm so going to 'I told you so' every second for the rest of your life." And there were those deep brown eyes as he said it, looking over at him. He would do it. It was a promise.
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"You're not the only one Felix had fooled, Tucker. We all gave him more information than we should have. And obviously he's been playing the New Republic side for years. This is what he does." Part of Wash feels like he should have seen through it, being the paranoid one. He never trusts anyone, but he also didn't see this coming, exactly. Didn't know the plot ran far deeper than he could have suspected.
"We need to figure out how to tell the generals what's really going on. That's how we fix this."
no subject
He shook his head.
"I just...wish I hadn't been so blind. I feel like an idiot." And that was the crux, wasn't it? How bad betrayal could make one feel, how it was obvious and yet he had been so ignorant all the same. Ugh. It was so dumb, especially when he was the perceptive one. "I was so desperate to get you back--"
He trailed off because that sounded too close to admissions he didn't want to make, ones he was still trying to figure out because what the fuck was he supposed to say, huh?
"I might have a plan...?" Famous last words.
no subject
"You're not an idiot. He's an excellent actor with a convincing narrative that they've spent years reinforcing. Not even just that, they've actually been living it. 'Proving' it. We judge people by their actions, and for all appearances his were good. It was the situation they were twisting and you had no reason to suspect that. It looked like he'd been a great ally, so you believed he'd help you too -- that's not blind, just hopeful. Hope's something we have to hold on to."
He hasn't been very successful at that, over the years, but he thinks it might be coming back to him. Although he'll always be a paranoid realist, he has faith in this ragtag group of idiots. He believes in them. And knows that sometimes, for people less damaged than him, those feelings are easy to misplace. It doesn't mean Tucker's a bad judge of character. It means he's not broken yet, and Wash... is actually really glad for that.
"A plan?"
no subject
He didn't shrug off the hand. Fuck, he wanted more of it. More of whatever the hell this was.
"I'm just pissed at myself." And that wasn't untrue; if anything, it was an understatement. "I just...should have been better at, like, everything. Felix and you and shit. I should've been the me that you saw in, um, me, if that makes sense." Seeing through it. Getting him back. Not losing people. All of it.
"War fucking sucks."
Oh, yeah, his plan. His plan that he didn't know if it would work, but damn if he wasn't going to try to throw it out there. "Being around Felix, the one thing I learned about him is that A) he loves to talk, and B) he's an egotistical asshole." Two things, but who was counting? "What if we get him talking, start a fight with him or something, make him spill his guts in the classic evil monologue way, and then get Church to record it and spread it across space. It's classic villain shit! He'd totally fall for it. I can fight him and make him think he's won or something."
no subject
"What do you mean better at me? Tucker, you -- this entire conversation just proves you are everything I saw in you. A misstep here or there doesn't change that. You learn from it and you only get better." His mouth quirks a little, and Tucker can't see it behind his visor but can probably hear it. "War does fucking suck. Hang in there."
Although he means that, and Wash might wish that his entire life wasn't war because it does suck, he also isn't sure what he'd be without it. He's a soldier. Has never been anything else, doesn't know how to be. For now he moves past that, hoping there's something better for at least his friends down the line. And Tucker's idea is actually decent.
"You know him best, if you think you can bait him into spilling that could work. But..." It's not that he doesn't trust Tucker to get the information. It's that he wouldn't just be talking. Wash shifts uncomfortably, finally reeling his hand back in because to be touching Tucker as he says this feels like too much. "I don't want you to fight Felix."
no subject
Wash didn't have it. He didn't listen, fought him, pushed him, fucking trusted him enough all the time, all through it, risked his life so Tucker could live. He saw all the things that Tucker turned away from. He was more of a leader than Church had ever been.
Tucker flushed as the realization sunk in, as the words hit home, as he knew that bastard was smiling under the helmet.
Holy shit. The way his heart skipp--
Wait, whoa, never mind. "What do you mean, you don't want me fighting Felix?" And there went that trust, right out the window. "You don't think I can handle him? Because let me tell you, that little fucker can't take me. Have you seen my sword?"
no subject
It's just... this plan scares him, he acknowledges distantly. After all they've gone through he doesn't want Tucker to be the one to take that risk. But maybe he's the only one who could. The only one who could pull off the ruse and keep him busy physically at once. And maybe he needs this, after being fooled by Felix? Wash just doesn't like it. Doesn't know how he'd live with himself if he goes along with this and Tucker gets hurt. He sighs.
"I'll back your play, I just don't want you to risk it. We can't--" No, that's true but not really the issue. "I can't lose you. At least take my healing unit."
no subject
He couldn't. Wash. Wash couldn't. Tucker breathed softly in his helmet - was it hot in here or just him? - and he wished that hand was back on his shoulder. He wished he could see Wash's stupid face, which he hadn't since he had gotten back. He wished he knew what he meant by that.
The paranoid Freelancer was trusting him again, giving him his healing unit, although Tucker wasn't sure he wanted it. "Dude, you should have it. If you guys get cornered by Locus, that's the one I'd be more worried about." That guy was cold as hell, but surely Wash knew that already by how much time he spent over there. He had to, right?
Oh, shit, what if they had se-- No way.
"I won't be alone, though; I'll have Epsilon with me." There was a beat of silence. "And you'll be watching my six. I know you will." Even if he wasn't right there, he would be. He always was.
"I'll be fine now that you're back."
no subject
It's just practical, logical, until Tucker says... that. And throws Wash off again. Of course he'll be watching. Of course he'll try to protect Tucker, but what if he can't? Tucker trusts him to but he doesn't trust himself. He's failed too many people already.
"Please just take it."
no subject
But depending on who was with him, that could even be worse. Carolina? Good. Caboose? Bad. He made a face, but finally reached up to take off his helmet. If Wash complained about it, he'd just tune it out; he was really good at that.
He wondered if Wash would follow suit.
"But if something happens to you and you need it, I'm so going to 'I told you so' every second for the rest of your life." And there were those deep brown eyes as he said it, looking over at him. He would do it. It was a promise.
"I'm glad you're back, just so you know."